Putting Away the Dominos

I planned, God laughed.

We learned etiquette, problem-solving, how to win/lose friends and influence people; how to grow up. We learned that sometimes it is best to pick up your toys and go home. 

-Unpublished work by Mary Pfeiff Cornelius

‘Where have you been?’ I imagine people wondering, although I suspect they haven’t noticed my absence. Mike and I left home June 12, enjoyed American kitsch as we drove cross-country to Chicago, marveling equally at natural wonders such as the Badlands and uniquely American attractions of Wall Drug, the Corn Palace, and the I-80 truck stop in Iowa. We resisted Cadillac Ranch and the largest ball of twine. I was testing the challenge of escaping the summer hellish heat of  Arizona. Other than a week in September to attend to a personal matter, I remained far from the desert until October 17, over four months.

The drudging drive through western Missouri, Oklahoma, and Texas provided more than enough time to reflect on lessons learned during this sabbatical.

Here is a sample:

1)      What is appropriate at age 35 may not be relevant at 75. At 35, taking a chance on a daring trip often leads to an unforgettable adventure. At 75 red flags should be heeded, the plans possibly leading to disappointment if not injury or worse. I no longer have forever and should choose how to spend my time wisely.

2)      Traveling to multiple destinations is exhausting. Packing, unpacking, searching for hotels, traversing unfamiliar streets. Where is the food? Where is the wine? Just getting settled in a room is enough for a day, forget sightseeing.

3)      Buying property in Chicago proper is not a good idea for us. Airbnb to enjoy time near the Chicago family is more appropriate. I loved my time bussing, walking, and Ubering to appointments and school runs with the grandbabies. The anomalous perfect weather skewed my perception. In Michigan, a simple fall and consequent bone fracture/wrist sprain grounded me in the reality of ubiquitous steep and narrow stairs; cold, snow, ice, and gray skies; general fatigue and sore joints. Then there is the difficulty of putting down roots in a new city. “But your kids are there,” protest general opinion. Yea, everyone who has adult children knows their lives are full with little time to fit in elderly parents. I recall the guilt my mother laid on me as I tried to coordinate motherhood, wifehood, graduate school, and jobs. I won’t do it to my kids.

4)      I loved being away from the 115+^o heat of Arizona. I would do it again. The best travel was slow with pauses of 2-3 or more nights in one place. Ideally we would settle in for four weeks or so at various spots throughout the season.

5)      A car-train, like a ferry but on land, would be welcome to transport people across the wasteland. Load your car in St. Louis in the afternoon. Enjoy cocktails through scenic eastern Missouri and dinner as the skies darken appropriately over western Missouri, retire to the sleeper for a cozy sleep through dreary Oklahoma and Texas. Coffee in the room, dress, and debark in Albuquerque. My daughter recommends continuing by train to Flagstaff.

The internet allows us to be connected even when thousands of miles away. At no time did I feel disconnected from my loved ones. Rather, I struggled with my place in life. Retired from two much-loved positions, I have not found my place, my purpose. Which leads to another lesson:

6)      I need a purpose. Unlike people happy to play and socialize with no routine, I need routine, a purpose or goal. Perfecting a craft such as writing or music gives me energy and pleasure. When faced with an obstacle, such as a severe wrist sprain, I fall into depression.

Back to the dominoes. It is time to put them away and bring out a new set later. We are where we are with no prospect of leaving soon. That puts C-boy and his family, Nini Dair and wife, and Misha free to make their own plans. We will be at their sides ready to assist if needed, but they are incredibly wise, responsible adults and will manage. Meanwhile, Mike will pull weeds and clean the pool, and I will enjoy binging on Masterpiece Theater, reading, writing, and tickling the ivories. Let me know if you hear of a band needing keys.