Opting Out

This is an accurate depiction of how I feel, not to be confused when how I look.

I am playing retirement, much like I played house as a child. For the first time in my adult life, no work-related responsibilities mark my calendar or twist my mind. The church job is in the capable hands of a veteran musician. Not work-related, I stepped down from writing committees. I am not active in any band. I am dog-paddling the waters of total freedom.

Saturday was the first day that the bright skies of irresponsibility opened to me. I took my time catching up on correspondence, cleaning the calendar, and dreaming. And drinking coffee, playing games, reading, and watching the boob-tube. Remember that term? A sense of calm enveloped me. The fair weather cried for wine on the patio. My friend Nancy obliged. What a lovely time sharing excellent white, finishing a smooth red, and eating El Pollo Loco, crazy chicken. Free is not the perfect word for my sense that day. It was as if my body had been cleansed. At some point, it occurred to me that the spinal adjustment at the chiropractor the day before may have contributed to my euphoria.

Then I awoke Sunday morning after a restless night recalling a promise to the new music director. Was it the wine? Was I lazy? I didn’t want to go. I sent my regrets, received his blessings, and went back to sleep, waking later with signs of a cold and sore throat. Sleep with periods of herbal tea and zinc stabilized the symptoms. Monday continued the same until late afternoon when I felt up to writing before early to bed.

Skittish about my recent bug, I opted out of exercise on Tuesday but made book club and an evening play. Today is Wednesday. I opted out of my writing group, enjoyed a walk to get a haircut then indulged in an uncharacteristic yummy hot chocolate at the coffee shop next door.

Now I write from home, opting out of Lent supper and worship, because I can.

I am opting out of tomorrow’s exercise classes.

See the theme? Opting out. The days ahead are filled by choice or necessity. Purpose drives me, but fence in my activities with rules, I rebel. There are always doctors and family and friends to fill my time. At least for a while, I am going to float in flippancy and enjoy an occasional spinal adjustment.